Sometimes I really wish that I could be the person that I wanted to be but it is so hard because I have to have this huge wall up.
I try over and over again to let the wall down only to get hurt the moment I feel like it starts to lower.
It seems like with my wall up I am such a bitch. A person who has no feelings. There are times when I want others to know that I have feelings and how much I hurt by their actions but that would mean the wall would have to stay down.
I tried to reach out to my friend to make amends of some sort and she refuses to communicate with me. You know at least some answers would be nice. I really need the closure on our friendship in order to move on. I don't want to leave our friendship with this sour taste in my mouth. It is hard not wanting to bad mouth her for what she is doing by not talking with me but I know that is just me who is mad.
It is so hard for me to make friends and I'm sure it has a lot to do with that wall.
I hope your friend responds to you. I need closure on things to move on.
ReplyDeleteall you can do is try. if you put it out there, that you need to talk and that you have valued that friendship, and she still won't respond?? it's her loss. it's hard to find that closure, but sometimes you just have to cut the strings.
ReplyDeleteI know where you are coming from ... there are friendships in my life that have nearly torn my family apart and make me hesitant to reach out to any one new ... but sometimes you find that rare gem, that one friend you look at and wonder how you ever managed to live without :)
I definitely understand the need for closure. I hope you find a way to get some even if your friend won't respond.
ReplyDelete